Good communication is essential for any healthy relationship, but many couples find communication especially challenging. With different needs, feelings and default reactions, things can get heated quickly leading to regret about things said.
Something I work with my couples often on during our online couples therapy sessions is moving from being reactive to being responsive. That means slowing way down in the moment. While it takes some practice, slowing down is a communication tool that can help couples to connect more deeply, resolve conflict more effectively, and build a stronger relationship overall.
What is Slowing Down?
Slowing down is simply taking your time when you’re communicating with your partner. It means being present in the moment, paying attention to your own thoughts and feelings, and listening carefully to your partner’s. It also means being mindful of your body language and tone of voice.
When you slow down, you give yourself a chance to really process what’s being said. You’re less likely to react impulsively or say something you don’t mean. And you’re more likely to understand your partner’s perspective and reach a mutually agreeable solution.
Why is Slowing Down Important?
There are a number of reasons why slowing down is important in couples communication. First, it can help to reduce conflict. When couples are feeling rushed or stressed, they’re more likely to say or do things that they’ll later regret. Slowing down gives couples a chance to take a step back, calm down, and communicate more effectively.
Second, slowing down can help couples to build trust. When couples are able to communicate openly and honestly with each other, it builds trust. And trust is essential for a strong and healthy relationship.
Third, slowing down can help couples to connect more deeply. When couples take the time to really listen to each other, they’re able to build a deeper understanding of each other’s needs and desires. And this can lead to a more fulfilling and satisfying relationship.
How to Slow Down in Couples Communication
There are a few things that couples can do to slow down in their communication. Here are a few tips:
- Choose a time and place where you won’t be interrupted. This will help you to focus on each other and avoid distractions.
- Pause communication if it starts to feel tense and speed up. Nothing will get resolved by forcing communication, it’s better to pause, even if for just a few moments.
- Take a few deep breaths before you start talking. This will help you to relax and stay calm.
- Listen actively to your partner. This means paying attention to what they’re saying, both verbally and non-verbally.
- Ask clarifying questions. This will help you to make sure that you understand your partner’s point of view.
- Take your time responding. Don’t feel the need to respond immediately. Take a few moments to think about what you want to say.
- Be respectful of your partner’s feelings. Even if you don’t agree with them, try to understand where they’re coming from.
Slowing down is a powerful communication tool that can help couples to connect more deeply, resolve conflict more effectively, and build a stronger relationship overall. If you’re looking for ways to improve your couples communication, slowing down is a great place to start. Contact me to learn more about how we can work together in Couples Communication Therapy.
Author: Stephanie Saari
I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in California. I love working with couples and individuals to find strength, growth and empowerment through their struggles and challenges.
