Many people struggle with infidelity in their relationships. Perhaps you have been cheated on in the past. Now, you worry about committing to another partner because you fear the same thing will happen again. Maybe you were unfaithful to a partner, and you feel guilty about your actions. Because infidelity is a taboo topic, you might wonder if you’re uniquely unsuited for monogamy, or if you’ve made a common mistake that you can avoid in the future.
When you’re grappling with infidelity, it’s easy to feel alone. People don’t like sharing that they’ve been cheated on or that they violated their partner’s trust. If you’re questioning how often infidelity actually occurs, let’s explore the statistics.
Infidelity Statistics
Lots of organizations have conducted surveys asking people about their experiences with infidelity. Some surveys indicate that nearly 50% of people in monogamous relationships have cheated. Others reveal somewhat lower rates of infidelity, with about 23% of men and 12% of women stating that they had cheated. Older people are more likely to cheat in relationships than younger people.
It’s worth noting that rates of infidelity amongst married couples are significantly lower than for unmarried couples, with about 12% of married people saying that they were unfaithful.
What Constitutes Cheating?
It can be hard to determine exactly how many people cheat when the definition of “cheating” can vary from person to person. For some people, the term “cheating” only applies to secret, physical affairs when one is in a committed relationship.
However, other people feel that emotional cheating is also a serious violation of trust. This could include ongoing flirting with people outside of the relationship, or sharing intimate secrets with friends of the gender you’re attracted to that you wouldn’t share with your partner. Lying about the nature of such friendships can also qualify as an emotional affair. In the digital age, people can also become entangled in “virtual affairs.” This could involve exchanging sensual messages with others online.
Why Is Infidelity Common?
If you have ever been cheated on, you probably spent lots of time wondering why your partner was unfaithful. Alternatively, if you were unfaithful to your partner, you might have questioned your own motives.
Often, people cheat because they are unhappy in a relationship. Yet they are hesitant to officially break up with their partner. They do not always communicate their unhappiness to their partner. Overall, there are many reasons for cheating, but it is not the faithful partner’s fault.
How Infidelity Can Effect Relationships
The destruction of trust is the most immediate, obvious impact of infidelity on a relationship. The faithful partner may feel like they can never regain their trust in the partner who went outside the boundaries of their relationship. They might feel as though they never really knew their partner in the first place and wonder whether there were other secrets kept in the relationship.
What Happens After Infidelity?
Does infidelity always lead to a breakup? Not necessarily. Many couples do choose to separate after infidelity. They may realize that they are happier apart, and the disappearance of their previous mutual trust has fundamentally altered their relationship. Sometimes, infidelity is a signal that the relationship has run its course.
But some couples do decide to stay together after infidelity. Working with a counselor can help couples rebuild their shared trust, set reasonable new boundaries for their relationship, and figure out what they really want for their future.
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If you’re struggling to make decisions about your relationship in the wake of infidelity, we specialize in helping couples through affair recovery therapy, We invite you to contact our practice to schedule a free consultation.
Author: Stephanie Saari
I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in California. I love working with couples and individuals to find strength, growth and empowerment through their struggles and challenges.
