Maybe you and your partner have been attending counseling sessions for Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) for some time now. You feel like you’ve both gained some valuable insights from these sessions. Most importantly, you’ve been practicing the skills you’ve learned in your life outside of sessions. But you’re wondering how you can tell whether or not your relationship has genuinely improved as a result of EFT.
It can be hard to identify when you’ve made progress outside of therapy, especially if that progress has been characterized by small steps and minor improvements. However, if you’ve noticed any of these clear benefits of EFT since you and your partner began counseling, you’re probably on the right track.
Staying Calm During Disagreements
EFT will not eliminate disagreements within your relationships. Avoiding disagreements entirely is an impossible goal. Instead, you and your partner will learn to approach disagreements with more empathy and patience while calmly expressing your authentic feelings.
Ideally, you’ll be able to navigate these tough conversations without raising your voices, arguing, solely blaming each other for the problem, or using the silent treatment to end the conflict. If you’ve found that you’re far more capable of managing disagreements with cool heads, you’re seeing the perks of EFT.
Letting Go of Negative Patterns
It’s not just how you handle disagreements that matter. It’s the way you bring up issues that are bothering you. In the past, you and your partner might have thrown random insults at each other or brought up problems at inappropriate times. As a result, you might have been defensive when your partner mentioned legitimate issues, or your partner may have ignored you when you said you were upset.
Now, you might be far more careful about how you address conflicts. For example, you might be more likely to wait for a quiet, private time to talk about an issue. Additionally, you no longer weaponize disagreements into insults that you can use against each other. Instead, you look at disagreements as problems to solve together as a team.
Deeper Sense of Connection
EFT helps couples build deeper emotional bonds. Sometimes, it can be hard to describe an increased feeling of closeness. After going through EFT, you might feel as though your relationship is a safe haven, rather than a constant source of conflict. You may feel more inclined to share your joys and sorrows directly with your partner because your trust in them has grown.
Fewer Misunderstandings
Maybe you used to get frustrated with your partner because whenever you expressed your point of view to them, they would misunderstand you. Your partner may have shared in these frustrations. Perhaps you both felt as though you did not truly understand each other. EFT aims to resolve this issue by encouraging clear, honest communication. When you know that you can handle disagreements calmly, you’ll feel more comfortable speaking from the heart.
Stronger Relationship Satisfaction
Perhaps your mood has lifted since you began therapy, and you noticed that the same is true of your partner. You both seem happier on a daily basis, and stress doesn’t affect you as strongly. In the past, you might have questioned if you were really in the right relationship. Now, you have faith that even if you’re facing problems, you’ll be able to overcome them together. On top of it all, you feel like you understand your partner better now, rather than projecting assumptions onto them. All of these improvements mean that EFT is helping your relationship.
–
If any of these ring true, you are on the right path! Or is the first you’re hearing of this and you’re interested in learning more about emotionally focused therapy to improve your relationship? Get in touch with us to discuss our couples counseling services.
Author: Stephanie Saari
I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in California. I love working with couples and individuals to find strength, growth and empowerment through their struggles and challenges.
