Maybe you took a long break from dating and enjoyed being purposefully single for a while. Now, you’re starting to put yourself out there again. Yet dating feels like a completely different experience than it did the last time you tried to connect with potential partners.
Perhaps you were partnered up for many years and never expected to be single again. But after the breakup from a long-term relationship, or going through a divorce, you’ve suddenly found yourself back in the dating pool. Your life has changed so drastically since your previous dating experiences. You’re not sure how to approach dating now that you’re in a different place in life.
Dating at different life stages can feel strange. You’re the same person, but you might not be looking for the same things you did when you were younger. Here’s how dating can differ based on your life stage.
Your Personal Standards
When you’re young, your standards might not be so strict. You may have just dated with the aim of having a good time. As a result, you likely accepted behavior in relationships that you would reject someone for today. With more life experience under your belt, you’ve probably had time to reflect on your standards and what sorts of actions are deal breakers in relationships. Because you’re less willing to entertain poor behavior, it might seem like the dating pool is smaller.
Your Timeline
In your early relationships, you might not have spent much time thinking about marriage or children. These visions for your future may have felt far off. Now, you might have marriage, children, buying a home, or other important life goals at the forefront of your mind while dating. Therefore, you’re seeking someone who has a similar timeline for those goals.
Additionally, you may not want to wait for a potential partner to figure out whether you’re on the same page. Instead, you might prefer someone who already knows that they feel the same way you do.
Your Plans for the Future
Marriage, children, and home ownership aren’t the only life goals that people reflect on when they’re dating later in life. You might be set on moving to your dream city, pursuing another degree, navigating a career change, traveling the world, adopting a pet, or relocating closer to your hometown so that you can help your elderly parents.
At this stage, you may be used to making plans independently, rather than with a partner. As a result, you might be more open to nontraditional arrangements, like living separately from a committed partner.
Compatible Lifestyles Still Matter
Lifestyle compatibility is still important, regardless of your age. For example, if you love to travel, but your potential partner prefers to stay home, it could drive a wedge between you. If you are an extrovert who enjoys spending weekends out with a large group of friends, and you’ve met someone special who would rather relax and recharge in solitude, it may not work out in the long run. Furthermore, different approaches to money management can be especially detrimental to relationships as you get older.
Sharing Values
Shared values are still the bedrock of any successful relationship, no matter which chapter of life you’re in. As you date, think carefully about what you truly value in life and what you hope to share with a future partner. Shared values combined with chemistry can turn into a love story that lasts.
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If you’re seeking support as you navigate dating at different life stages, a relationship therapist can help you make decisions that honor your needs. Reach out to my practice to schedule a free consultation.
Author: Stephanie Saari
I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in California. I love working with couples and individuals to find strength, growth and empowerment through their struggles and challenges.
