Perhaps you find yourself making the same relationship mistakes over and over again. You might pull away from romantic partners who try to get closer to you, and as a result, you shut out people who genuinely care about your wellbeing. On the other hand, you might continuously pursue emotionally avoidant people. You inevitably end up with a broken heart when you realize that you’re far more invested in the relationship.
Maybe your friends have even expressed concerns about your relationship habits. Yet you’ve tried to dodge these questions out of shame. But now, you’re finally ready to address these repetitive mistakes and stop falling into the same ruts. Here’s how to break the cycle and overcome your relationship mistakes.
Take a Break From Dating
Have you always considered yourself a serial monogamist? You may run straight into the arms of a new partner right after a relationship ends. If this is the case, it might be time to take a break from dating. You do not always need to have a partner to feel happy and secure. Instead, take some time to get to know yourself and what you really want out of life. Identify your personal values, learn how you prefer to spend your time, and get comfortable making decisions without input from a partner.
Spend More Time With Friends
We often have higher standards for our friend’s behavior than for our romantic partners. As you spend more time with your friends, reflect on their positive qualities and identify what makes your friendship work. Maybe they’re very trustworthy, reliable, caring, and open-minded. Remember that you should be seeking out the same qualities in a partner. It can be hard to keep this in mind when you’re distracted by butterflies from a potential romantic partner. But it’s important to be clear-eyed about what you really need from a partner.
Learn to Appreciate Your Independence
Being single can bring unique challenges, especially when it seems like society is geared toward couples, and there is so much pressure to date. But when you’re single for an extended period of time, and you have to navigate life on your own, you’ll realize that you do not need to settle for a mediocre relationship in order to be happy. Instead, you can wait until you meet someone who truly enhances your life.
Move Slowly in New Relationships
Rushing into new relationships can be a recipe for disaster. You realize that you have a crush, and you want to spend as much time with them as possible in hopes that they feel the same way. But it doesn’t hurt to pace yourself. Don’t assume that if you move slowly, they will back away and find someone else. Instead, be honest with yourself about how you’re feeling, and take small steps forward to test the waters and find out if they’re right for you.
Consider Working With a Therapist
What if you’re concerned that your relationship mistakes stem from the harm you suffered as a child within your family unit? Perhaps you have ended up in abusive relationships in the past, and you’re worried about facing the same situation again. If so, it’s time to start working with a therapist. You do not have to be in a relationship to meet with a therapist who focuses on helping people build fulfilling, safe relationships. In relationship therapy, you can work on your relationship skills while building a more meaningful, individual life.
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Working with the right counselor can help you break the cycle of relationship mistakes, and we encourage you to reach out to see how we can support you in building healthier relationships.
Author: Stephanie Saari
I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in California. I love working with couples and individuals to find strength, growth and empowerment through their struggles and challenges.
