Do you find yourself constantly worrying about your partner’s feelings for you? Do you need a lot of reassurance or feel needy in your relationship? If so, you may have an anxious attachment style.
As a Certified Emotionally Focused Therapist, I help couples understand their attachment styles and how it impacts their relationship. An anxious attachment is common and characterized by a high level of neediness and insecurity in relationships. Those with anxious attachment styles tend to worry about their partner’s feelings for them, and they may constantly seek reassurance that they are loved and wanted. They may also be very sensitive to any perceived signs that their partner is not interested in them, and may overreact to these signs.
Anxious attachment can create stress in a relationship, both for the person living with relationship anxiety and for their partner. Through online couples therapy, I help couples move to a more secure attachment, but learning about and starting to manage anxious attachment symptoms is an important first step.
Anxious attachment is often developed in childhood, as a result of how our primary caregivers responded to our needs. If our caregivers were inconsistent or unreliable, we may have learned to believe that we cannot trust others to meet our emotional needs. This can lead to an anxious attachment style in adulthood.
There are a number of things that you can do to deal with anxious attachment and improve your relationships. These include:
- Identify your triggers. What are the things that make you feel most anxious in your relationships? Once you know your triggers, you can start to develop strategies for coping with them.
- Practice self-soothing. When you start to feel anxious, learning to calm your nervous system is key. This could involve deep breathing, meditation, or spending time in nature.
- Challenge your negative thoughts. Catching anxious thoughts about your partner or relationship and managing them versus reacting in the moment is a good first step, Ask yourself if there is any evidence to support these thoughts.
- Communicate with your partner. Talk to your partner about your anxious attachment style to help them understand how it impacts you.
- Seek professional help. If you are struggling to manage your anxious attachment on your own, consider seeking professional help. A therapist can help you to understand your attachment style and develop coping mechanisms.
Some resources I often recommend to those I work with in online couples therapy are the book Attached or going here to take an attachment style quiz.
The most effective form of couples therapy, Emotionally focused therapy (EFT), is specifically designed to help people with anxious attachment styles. Through online couples therapy, I use EFT to help couples understand their attachment style and develop more secure attachment patterns .
Anxious attachment can be a difficult style to deal with, but it is not impossible. With time and effort, you can learn to manage your anxious attachment and improve your relationships.
We have several therapists at Renewed Relationships Counseling Group here to help you and your partner create a more secure relationship today. Contact us today to learn more today!
Author: Stephanie Saari
I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in California. I love working with couples and individuals to find strength, growth and empowerment through their struggles and challenges.
