Separation anxiety can take a serious toll on relationships. An individual can experience an intense level of distress at the thought of being separated from their parent, a romantic partner, or another person they have become attached to. This issue often begins in childhood. But although separation anxiety is more common in children, the problem can persist into adulthood.
Someone with separation anxiety might start feeling upset and afraid when they anticipate being apart from their attachment figure. When the attachment figure is not around, the individual may struggle to stay calm and carry out their responsibilities. Understanding separation anxiety is the first step towards healing from this issue in a relationship.
Symptoms of Separation Anxiety
Separation anxiety is just one type of anxiety disorder. A person with separation anxiety worries deeply about being away from their attachment figure. They may spend lots of time fearing that they will lose the attachment figure entirely. They might get anxious about specific events that will involve being apart from the attachment figure.
Therefore, even when they are around the attachment figure, they still may not feel at ease. They may have nightmares about being separated. Additionally, they may try to stay physically close to the attachment figure at all times.
How Separation Anxiety Affects Relationships
When an adult is struggling with separation anxiety, it does not bring them emotionally closer to their partner or attachment figure. Separation anxiety can actually push the attachment figure further away. This is because being the foundation of someone’s entire life is a monumental amount of pressure.
Furthermore, the individual with separation anxiety may have trouble forming independent friendships, holding down a stable job, or managing everyday tasks.
What Causes Separation Anxiety?
Separation anxiety is often rooted in childhood. This condition is typically related to the loss of an attachment figure, usually the parent. For example, a child whose parent died may develop separation anxiety in relation to other family members.
Alternatively, a child who had neglectful parents, or whose parents were in and out of their lives, may develop unhealthy attachments to other people in adulthood due to fears of abandonment.
Mental Health Risk Factors
People with certain mental health conditions are at a higher risk for developing separation anxiety in adulthood, even if they have had healthy attachments to their parents in childhood. For example, people with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) are more susceptible to separation anxiety. Additionally, someone who already struggles with generalized anxiety or panic disorder is more likely to develop separation anxiety at some point.
People with a history of past trauma or Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) are predisposed to separation anxiety as well. Furthermore, separation anxiety can crop up in adults who were not struggling with their mental health until they went through a difficult life transition. Moving away from their support system can be a triggering event for separation anxiety.
Overcoming Separation Anxiety in Relationships
Maybe you are an attachment figure for someone who has separation anxiety. Perhaps you find it deeply distressing to be away from a romantic partner or other attachment figure. If so, it may be time to start working with a therapist. A counselor who specializes in working with couples or families can help you work on developing a healthier, secure attachment style within your relationship. They can guide you in identifying the root causes of your separation anxiety so that you treat the source of the problem, rather than the symptoms.
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With support from a couples therapist, you can address separation anxiety in a relationship. Schedule a consultation or an appointment with us to see how counseling can enhance your relationship.
Author: Stephanie Saari
I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in California. I love working with couples and individuals to find strength, growth and empowerment through their struggles and challenges.
